Courage to Grieve by Judy Tatelbaum

Author:Judy Tatelbaum [Tatelbaum, Judy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2007-04-26T18:53:08+00:00

11

Recovery from Grief

…That your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

—The Prophet

Although it may be hard to believe, we can recover from our sorrow. Recovery from grief is the restoration of our capacity for living a full life and enjoying life without feelings of guilt, shame, sorrow, or regret. We have recovered when we once again feel able to cope with our feelings and our environment, and when we can face reality and accept our loss on a gut level, not just intellectually. Integrating our loss and reinvesting in our lives constitute recovery.

The process of recovering from grief is very much like the old song about love to the effect that the song is over but the melody lingers. The depth of sorrow, the pain, the weeping, the incapacitation, the neediness, and all the intense feelings of mourning eventually diminish and disappear. We do not forget the loved one or the loss, but the pain recedes. Usually the dissolving of grief is gradual rather than sudden. In the process of recovering, grief may be triggered unexpectedly many times before completion. We may go through different waves of pain, until the waves stop coming. Once we recover, the gap left by the loss may still be evident, but our reactions to it will be less intense.

Recovery results from setting recovery as an essential goal and from living each day as it comes, dealing with both the regular routine of living and our deepest emotions. We are recovering when we can look at life ahead as worth living. Full recovery

Recovery from Grief / 95

involves having the perspective to realize that someday we will look back and know that we have fully grieved and survived life’s darkest hours.

Whether we experience it or not, grief accompanies all the major changes in our lives. When we realize that we have grieved before and recovered, we see that we may recover this time as well. It is more natural to recover and go on living than to halt in the tracks of grief forever. In his book Choices, Frederic Flach says, “Most people who become depressed recover. Most creative, accomplished people have reported periods of depression just before a new surge of personal growth and achievement.”

The low self-esteem that is characteristic of the mourning period often interferes with our believing that we can recover from grief. The experience of loss temporarily destroys our self-confidence, and the process of grieving depletes much of our energy. As we begin to recover, our energy increases and our self-esteem usually returns. But hanging on to such feelings as guilt or shame or resentment will delay the return of our self-confidence.

Our expectations, willingness, and beliefs are all essential to our recovery from grief. It is right to expect to recover, no matter how great the loss. Recovery is the normal way. When we expect to recover, and know it is possible, we set recovery as a goal to reach for. On

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